Receiving Feedback

When all you want is to bury your head in the sand

I’m frustrated. I find myself on day 5 of my latest (self imposed) writing retreat and instead of feeling a closeness to the finish line, I feel I’m slipping backwards, grappling with how to crawl through the third redraft of this project. Very few words have been landing on my keyboard as I plug away at the reedit of my first book: a soon-to-be self published collection of essays that ask the question - what holds us back from liberated self expression, and provides an answer through sassy stories about sexuality, body image and confidence.

Or at least I think that’s what I’m writing.

When you’re 20,000 words deep into exploring genitals, nudity, queerness and kink, things can become a bit jumbled. For example, a story detailing my first time being topless led me down a path of looking at the sexualisation of boobs, that then nose dived into researching the history of Page 3 girls before head spinning back to reasoning why so many of us feel shy to reveal our tits and questioning whether it really serves us to hide our boobies away. Each essay feels like this - a whirlwind of never ending concepts and conversations that continually tells me one solid thing - there’s always more to write, to question and to reveal. So knowing when to stop has been a tough lesson, paired the painful process of “killing some darlings” (ie axing paragraphs and story lines and characters along the way) and I feel ready to give up.

To help me bring this body of work to a close someone suggested I ask friends and peers to look over my essays. The very idea of asking for feedback was a challenge in itself. God forbid I had to share my writing and put it up for full blown criticism. My cycle of responses would most likely start with me pulling out punches of self-defence - convincing myself I didn’t care what they thought, that they don’t know what they’re talking about, and any encouragement they’d give me to keep rewriting would most likely lead me to push back and decide no one would read the book anyway and all this extra effort and time was pointless.

But for the sake of putting one step forward and ignoring my low self-worth, I bit the bullet and sent the requests. Emails, voicenotes and comments came my way and a lot of this week has been a process of listening, reading and accepting the feedback from these kind, intelligent humans. It hasn’t all been easy; a roller coaster of emotions has churned inside me and my ego had to be put on a time out. However, I really do feel immensely grateful for their insight and support, for receiving another perspective outside of my own cloudy mind. Each response has been so encouraging with reflections on the biggest weaknesses sandwiched between the greatest strengths to help push me up the hill I was so sure I’d slide back down.

I haven’t gotten through nearly as much as I had hoped this week and a May deadline for completion feels less and less enticing. The concept of launching in June to publish in June feels like pressure and my word of the year - patience - keeps on popping into my head. What if I was to allow myself more time, would I really work on this book harder or would I simply be extending the days in which I ignore the open tabs on my screen?

Mulling these questions out loud makes me think discipline is what I’m looking for to help me turn up every morning and place my book at the start of the day. I think about how Julia Cameron’s book The Artist Way suggests moving past creative blocks or mental barriers by making a commitment and setting an intention “to focus on the quantity and let the quality take care of itself”. I see the quantity as amount of redrafts I allow and I see the commitment as welcoming excitement and joy into this creative process, to welcome grace and humility as I mix and master.

Can you relate and if so I wonder:

What projects you have been sitting on?

How might you be resisting the next step?

What commitment can you make to transform your creative attitude?

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I’d love to know your thoughts on these potential titles of my book - here I go again, asking for feedback:) Cast your vote in the comments and let me know what first thoughts come to mind? As loyal readers of this newsletter, your opinion means the world.

• Unapologetically Sassy: Essays on the Body, Intimacy, and Confidence

• Sassy by Design: Reframing the Body, Desire and Self

• Sassy Rebellion: Essays on Becoming Brave in Body, Desire, and Confidence

• The Courage to Be Sassy: Reflections on Body, Intimacy, and Confidence

• The Sassy Manifesto: Embracing Body, Sexuality, and Confidence

• Sassier Than Yesterday: Essays on Growth, Body Love, and Self-Discovery

Sent with warm sassy love, as always

Bx

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Online Workshops

Kinky Touch-Taste-Smell

Connect with yourself and feel deeply

Thursday 15th May, 7pm-8.30pm

Move past resistance and connect with your sensations on a deeper, kinkier level. This workshop is ideal for those wanting to become more tactile and intimate with themselves and others. Let’s transform our sensation play from boring to roaring!

Edging Your Senses

Learn the graceful dance between discipline and desire

Thursday 22nd May, 7pm - 8.30pm

Get to grips with advanced techniques for solo sensory exploration.This is perfect if you’re looking to deepen your self- knowledge and become confident in knowing what you desire by taking yourself to the edge….