To molest a man
Turning the tables in seductive circles
Last week I found myself in a circle of women, enclosed around a smaller circle of men. (Yes, it was as binary as it sounds). The instruction we (the women) were given was to 'do whatever we desire' to the men while they stood there in their undies, eyes shut, waiting. The fellas were told to cover any part of their body they didn't want touched with their hand. On this instruction, I didn't see a single man flinch - it looked like their entire bodies were up for grabs and so what unfolded in front of me was a primal feasting of women doing 'whatever we desired'.
I was a bit dubious. Was this really what she was telling us to do? I exchanged looks with the woman next to me, both of us clocking the unfamiliarity of the situation. I gave some thought and figured I kind of knew what I desired - to dominant. I had no interest in kissing, licking, touching, or making out with any of the men. In fact I was a bit pissed off about the supremely heterosexual nature of the event having hoped to flirt with many of the gorgeous ladies there. But I resigned to the fact that this was the event holder’s desire and so I decided to flex my muscles and work on my intimidation game.
I walked slowly up to the man opposite me and stood eyelash distance apart from him, waiting until he sensed my presence. I heard him take a sharp inhale of breath realising how close I was to him and tho he was blind to my appearance (another shame as I looked like a kinkier version of a Baywatch lifeguard dressed in a super tight red swimsuit, towering above him in a fuck off pair of heels), he was fully awake to sensations as I ran my fingernails down the outside of his arms, crawled my way back up his spine before slowly, firmly, gripping the back of his neck in my hand. My other palm found it's way to his chin, hooking my fingers inside his parted lips and playing with his open-mouthed-wish to be kissed. I absorbed his physicality beneath me, eyes shut, submitting to my seduction as I teased him with the idea of me without ever letting his lips reach mine. I loved it: seductive, controlled and completely on my terms.
I rotated round the circle of men providing a similar sassed up version of this seductive dominance. But half way through, I clocked what the other women's approach was and boy, was it unleashed, loosy-goosey, devouring without discipline. Part of me was concerned the men were too vulnerable in this moment. I wasn't so sure if the rule of consent was circulating amongst us any more and no one was reminding the men that they had a choice in this scenario. Maybe it was a projection of how I would feel if the tables were turned because none of the men walked away, they just stood there and let themselves be stroked, kissed, touched up, held, fingered, aroused, eaten alive, bums squeezed, mouths parted, willies grabbed, muscles melted into and backs bitten.
The women were topping the men, rotating between partners and orchestrating their own spell of erotic activity. They were animals stepping into their own game of power that rarely exists on any level anywhere else in day to day life. The way they crept out with caution and transformed into beasts clawing, purring and launching into dominance, swinging between men and placing power over them was wildly radical. It made me realise that I've never seen any porn with this scenario, never seen a film display this fantasy, no book where the women feast on the men while they stand, subservient, waiting to be used.
Once I had completed the circle of men, I stepped behind them into the middle and started offering back strokes and massages. I kept an eye on their bodies and made sure no-one was being untouched at any one time, (some part of me wanted to keep the balance, searching for equilibrium and, projecting once again, my fear that anyone would feel left out). But finally I stepped out. I had another event to attend and my uncertainty about whether any of the men were feeling unsafe or molested was playing on my mind.
Since sitting with the memory of that afternoon, I’ve been unpicking the nuances in what made me feel uncomfortable. First off, it felt like we were thrown a curve ball of sexual activity without any prior warning - we did not know that this was going to be the group activity and I sensed the unease of a few people who had never been to a sex party or kink event before when that first command to do ‘whatever you desire’ sprung up. That’s not to say we hadn’t been gently guided into this moment - we had. We’d been playing conversation games and sharing what touch we liked and what turns us on for almost an hour. But the free-reign of such an instruction…
And lets be honest, I would HATE this circle of men touching me while my eyes are shut, knowing they are allowed to feast on me like a plate of nibbles at the buffet table, scoff their greedy lips around my face and then move on to the next - GOD NO! Don’t get me wrong, I have gang bang fantasies, I love the idea of being one of many, I love group sex and sharing bodies together. But this was somehow different.
Plus, in this setting, I was only being told to touch the men and my interests lie deeply in loving on the bodies and spirits of women too. Which could be why this event has left a funky sting on my skin. While I nurse myself with more ponderings, I wonder how the following questions land for you:
What makes you feel safe enough to be sexually/physically intimate?
How would you act if you could do ‘whatever you desire’ to another person’s body?
Can you name your turn offs?
Sent with sweet sassy love
Bx
Portraits from way back when, May ‘21 by Kristine Danne - forever treasuring these first ever shoots.
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Wow Bx! As I read the article I felt like I was there with you, attending the party. Your experience deeply resonates with me. I have not yet been in a group situation like such, but I feel I wouldn't have been able to fully enjoy it and let go. As a dominant femme, I paid attention to how my partner responded. But it was just one person, with whom I had clear boundaries in place.
I think in a room full of vulnerable people, I would have also felt distracted, like "I had to keep an eye on the situation". Maybe it's a protector instinct I can't seem to shake off? I can't tell.
On the other topic, would I ever put myself in their chair? Absolutely not, I would hate it. But I guess, as one of the SxTechEU panelists said, back in May (forgive me, I can't remember who said this specifically) "empathy makes you a better dom".
So, I think you just proved yourself that, regardless of where this experience may lead, you are doing things with a lot of self awareness and respect. 🩷
Ahhh babe appreciate reading your reflections and how you relate to this experience. I love the phrase 'empathy makes u a better dom' - that will stay with me for sure.
Sending sassy love